For those of you that want to bring something a little different to the Easter festivities!

When I feel a hunger for Beelzebub, He cannot resist the summons of a bloodred golden ratio.

Each intersection of oozing edges spills forth onto the barren, browned and buttered flesh of flaky pie crust, much as the blood of an innocent slips through scalpeled skin, trickling onto the landscape of a freshly lifeless body.

The mathematical perfection of ten isosceles triangles, five acute and five obtuse, beckons the knife to plunge into the practically precut segments.

Enjoy with Lucifer, warm, with a hell-hot cup of the blackest of coffees.


2 sticks cold butter, cut into small pieces (plus 1Tbsp. melted for brushing)
2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 tsp. salt
2 Tbsp. granulated sugar (plus 1/4 cup for sprinkling)
1/4 cup ice water
2 cans cherry pie filling (these are generally gluten-free, so it wouldn’t be hard to adjust the crust for a GF version)




In a large bowl, sift together flour, sugar, and salt.

Add butter to the flour mixture and rub the butter into the flour with your fingers until the mixture resembles wet sand with pea-sized lumps throughout.


Add water, two tablespoons at a time, and mix until the dough resembles a ball.

**Shortcut: Mix the dry ingredients in a food processor, add butter, and pulse until the mixture looks like rough sand. Then add water a couple tablespoons at a time until the mixture forms a rough ball on its own.

Next, divide the dough into two balls, place each onto a sheet of plastic wrap, form into discs, and refrigerate for at least an hour.



Remove the dough from the fridge and wait 10 minutes before rolling out onto a floured surface — until each disc forms a separate 12-inch circle.

Roll one dough circle over a rolling pin and shape into a pie plate. Fill the pie crust with both cans of cherry filling and brush melted butter onto the edges of the dough. Roll the other dough circle over a rolling pin and unroll it on top of the filled pie plate.


Use a fork or spoon to press the edges of the dough into the buttered edges of the dough below. Carve a five-pointed star from edge to edge. Brush the entire crust with melted butter and sprinkle sugar all over the top.





Bake at 425°F for 35-45 minutes.

Let the pie cool at room temperature for at least 30 minutes.

Sacrifice a goat and cut the Devil a slice.

-Winter Doom-


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